Why Does Everyone Shop at Wal-Mart?

I get that it’s convenient. It’s huge and right there on the highway, but only a few blocks away is the gorgeous gringo-friendly Soriana with it’s dazzling produce section and aisles filled with important American crap. Why would you ever CHOOSE to shop at Wal-Mart?

Wal-Mart is one of the most expensive stores in Puerto Vallarta. Anything you can buy at Wal-Mart, you can get cheaper somewhere else. I promise you that. You can buy things cheaper at Soriana or Mega.

Wal-Mart still censors its products. Since I’m an American and I don’t believe in censorship, I don’t support Wal-Mart. They won’t carry CDs or video games that don’t meet their requirements for “wholesomeness” or whatever. You won’t find GTA IV there or uncensored CDs of rap music, which is why I was so tickled pink when the Sam’s Club (owned by Wal-Mart, duh) membership people were blaring Eminem during their membership drive. Since they couldn’t understand the lyrics, we were all treated to some truly obscene music which I enjoyed immensely and not just for the irony.

Wal-Mart is frequented by Wal-Martians. Families with 6+ kids who can’t afford to shop anywhere else and they are all running wild through the store. In the US, you get the added bonus of tweakers and druggies. Here in Mexico you get those damn cruise ship people who think it’s great to buy all their souvenirs at Wal-Mart because it’s so convenient. Don’t buy your souvenirs there, people. If you do, you should be keel-hauled. There’s a perfectly respectable, over-priced marketplace RIGHT at the cruise ship terminal. You might pay more, particularly if you suck at haggling, BUT you’ll be supporting MEXICANS and not Sam Wal-mart. Buying from Mexicans makes your shit a little more authentic, you dig?

If you are feeling particularly adventurous, why not catch a cab to the Mercado de Artesenias or the Isla Cuale? You can buy the same shit there and actually get to see part of Puerto Vallarta. If you are good, you can stop at Outback on the way back or McDonald’s for some real American food. How often do you get to have that? Oh wai–

Wal-Mart is like Mordor, this is where the evil armies congregate. Do you want to be a Orc? Do you? No? Then stop shopping at Wal-Mart.

If you want a real Mexico shopping experience, hop a bus or cab right down the same street that Sam’s Club is on (no, not the highway, don’t be dense) and head into Pitillal. That’s the most authentic you are going to get and you can buy the same shit there but for less. Not feeling that brave? Need other white people around? Stick to the Romantic Zone. There are lots of white people there.

~ by Whitey McCracker on July 20, 2008.